


The Truth

by PayItForwardYo



Series: Security Detail [2]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:40:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27138112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PayItForwardYo/pseuds/PayItForwardYo
Summary: As they journey towards a harrowing mission, Janeway and Seven discuss their recent past.
Relationships: Kathryn Janeway/Seven of Nine
Series: Security Detail [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1873708
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	The Truth

**Author's Note:**

> These should be chapters, probably. But I didn't start it that way so we're stuck with the multiple story format you all. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> As before, I may continue, or not. But there's a definite conclusion so nobody will be left hanging.

"Tell me about the mission," Seven inquired as she went about various necessary tasks while the shuttle took off under Janeway's skilled piloting.

"You have the mission report," Janeway replied absently.

"Yes. However the mission in that report does not get Admiral Janeway assigned to it." Blunt and to the point as always. "What is today's mission, Captain?"

Janeway smiled to herself at how familiar the exchange felt. It was reassuring to know that, regardless of the passage of time, Seven was still Seven. Janeway had removed herself from Seven's life well over a year ago, committed to letting the young woman grow into her new home on her own terms, without Janeway's shadow hanging over her and her baggage dragging her down, and all that entailed.

And here Seven was, an undeniable product of her own choosing, and much the same as Janeway fondly remembered her. Janeway released a breath she'd been holding for almost two years.

Seven glanced over at her finally, curious about Janeway's silence. 

"Right," Janeway shook her herself back into the present. "There are two answers to that. The first answer is very boring. It has to do with rights of travel, trade agreements, and declarations of mutual friendship, and could be handled by just about any Federation diplomatic delegation."

Janeway paused, and poked delicately at the console in from of her before swinging to fully face Seven.

"The other answer, the real one and the reason you have that horde of weapons with you, is that we are flying into a trap."

Seven had been cataloging the horde of weapons in question but paused to to shift her attention fully toward the Captain.

"That would seem to be... ill advised," Seven offered drolly.

Pleased with the response, Janeway laughed out loud, gallows humor fully engaged, and reached out to clap Seven gently on the shoulder.

"Immensely. But needs must, and who better?" Janeway indicated herself unnecessarily, but then broadened it to include Seven as well, and the impressive pile of weapons.

The weapons served as a stark reminder to the danger she was dragging Seven into, albeit willingly, and her face fell slightly as she sought out Seven's eye's directly. "This mission is dangerous Seven, but I will get you home. Just like always."

Seven raised an eyebrow in slight reproach. "I am _your_ security, or have you forgotten? It is I who will ensure your safety."

Janeway just regarded her thoughtfully for a moment more, then let her intense gaze drop back to the console. "Let's just say we'll take care of each other and leave it at that, hmm?"

"Acceptable." Seven returned to her business for a bit, but then breached the silence again shortly after.

"Why do you take these missions? You clearly understand that some of them - this one - border on suicidal. Is it for atonement?" Seven's tone made it very clear what she thought of that prospect. "We often talked about atonement, and you were always frustratingly opposed to it as a motivation in anyone but yourself."

"No. Or maybe I guess. But no," Janeway answered confusingly. "Not like that. I'm not looking to pay for my sins with the ultimate sacrifice. However I did spent seven years of my crew's life acquiring the skills which now afford me a better than average chance of surviving what is sure to be a gigantic mess of a mission. There's no honorable choice other than to accept those missions, so that others won't fail to return home."

"Captain," Seven intoned with a vague sense of disapproval. "That is -"

"Not open for discussion, Seven."

Seven paused, then returned to the weapons, displeased with her Captain's mindset, but not overly surprised. 

"Yes Captain."

"You know, if we survive this and end up on a ship with an actual Starfleet Captain, you're going to have start calling me something else."

Seven looked up, and was relieved to see that Janeway seemed amused by the situation.

"I can think of nothing else suitable. Perhaps the actual Captain can assume another label."

Janeway chuckled, and Seven studied her surreptitiously. Finally, deciding it was better to ask and be sure, than to wonder, Seven decided to be direct. "Do you mind that I do not honor your accomplishment of rank?"

Janeway swung her attention away from the view finder momentarily, and looked towards the young woman next to her. "I don't. I'm proud to have served as your Captain. And I'm proud that you still think of me that way, after all this time. That's a far bigger accomplishment to me than any pips on my collar." 

Janeway studied her discretely, then turned back to her view finder. "How long has it been," she queried with a deceptive casualness that didn't even come close to fooling Seven.

"That depends entirely on what you are measuring," Seven started archly, but relented quickly. "It has been 1 year, 3 months, and 12 days since we last spoke in person."

Janeway 'hmmmed' in response, but offered no comment and Seven fought herself briefly, before continuing the conversational thread herself.

"That is longer than I thought it would be, when we last parted company." Seven heard the hurt in her voice, and felt Janeway pause ever so briefly, indicating that her Captain had heard it as well. But now that it was out there, Seven allowed herself to feel it fully, and her tone was harsher as she continued. "Why did you not stay in contact?"

There was no way that losing focus on the mission was a good idea, but Janeway engaged the autopilot regardless and turned to Seven fully, unwilling to dishonor Seven with anything less.

The truth is, when they parted that final time, Janeway knew she intended to keep her distance. But she also hoped, desperately, that someday she would have this opportunity to explain. Hurtling towards their possible death wasn't entirely ideal, but she wasn't about to waste an opportunity she wasn't sure would present itself again.

"I'm not going to lie to you and ask what you mean. You are correct. After our last meeting I intentionally removed myself as a direct influence in your life."

Seven looked crestfallen, Janeway noted with despair, but she forged ahead. "You were on the cusp of something new and amazing, Seven. An opportunity to blossom into your own, finally in a world big enough for you to shine as brilliantly as you were able. I could do nothing but hold you back and limit your growth to my view of what it meant to be human. You were making your life with Chakotay and he was right to - "

"Stop." Seven's voice was like iron and it halted Janeway in mid explanation, unlike anything else ever could. Or anyone else, for that matter. "Chakotay expressed concern that you were an undue influence on my life?"

Janeway hesitated, unsure what was happening, but unwilling to fabricate falsehoods at this point in their relationship, even if it did seem as though she were about to get Chakotay in a bit of hot water with his fiancée.

"Yes, more or less, I suppose," Janeway couldn't help but hedge slightly in defense of her First Officer. "We spoke a few weeks before you and I spent our last day together. He was concerned I was holding you back with my own image of what your life should look like - with my own opinions on what should make you happy. And I... I couldn't be the one to keep you from accomplishing whatever it was you set your heart upon."

Her memories of that day were fraught for Janeway, and she felt her throat constricting with emotion. "Your happiness was worth everything to me. So, I let you go."

Janeway stopped there. She had nothing else to add really, and she still wasn't sure what was happening with her friend. She was clearly processing everything that she'd learned and Janeway certainly remembered that sometimes, when it came to people and their emotions and motivations, you had to give Seven the time she needed to make sense of, what was to her, nonsensical.

There was quiet on the shuttle for a time, while Seven worked through it all and Janeway did her best not to fidget, and eventually Seven responded, sounding almost hopeful. "You did not tire of our time together then?"

Janeway swallowed, sad for Seven and angry with herself. And sad for herself too. "No. I did not, and never could. I should have made sure you knew that." She tentatively reached out her hand to rest on Seven's arm, relieved when it was not tossed aside. 

"From our conversation I have extrapolated that you do not know that Chakotay and I are no longer 'together'. Is that correct?"

Janeway felt most of the air leave her lungs without her permission. "I did not," she wheezed.

"For all of his misguided advice to you, he did not seem to truly desire me to flourish on my own. He was intent on replacing you as a mentor in my life. I believe he was misguided by worry over 'losing me', and erroneously confident he could also help me as you did. But the truth is, though he tried, he could not. He made no allowances for me in his instructions. He did not help me down my own path of exploration, as you always did, he brought me down his own instead. It was not something we could work past, and our relationship dissolved."

"We are still 'friendly', but the hole in my life he left does not compare the one left behind by you."

"Seven," Janeway croaked, stricken. She'd allowed herself to be swayed, she suddenly understood, and had hurt someone very important to her by doing so. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I was... trying to get out of your way. I don't know how it all went so wrong. I just - " Janeway shook her head. "I never meant to hurt you," she finished sadly, dropping her eyes to the floor in shame.

She felt seven draw closer, and she dragged her eyes up from the floor after Seven stood in front of her, clearly waiting. She was being regarded almost warmly, and it was so unexpected that Janeway felt a stinging behind her eyes that she struggled to control.

Gently, Seven spoke. "This can not be another albatross you carry with you. You made mistakes, but I did as well. I let you go in favor of an individual I knew was not suitable for me, because it was easier. I allowed my negative feelings towards your decisions prevent me from examining those decisions from all perspectives. From your perspective."

With her forearm still in Janeway's grasp, Seven shifted her arm slightly until their hands were clasped together instead. It was her human hand, which pleased her, even though she knew Janeway would not make the distinction. "Would you wish me to carry the weight of my mistakes in this matter with me for the rest of my days?"

Janeway whispered "No," almost despite herself.

"Then you must not as well. I will never accept that these rules of self recrimination apply only to you. None of our failures came from malice," Seven continued confidently, warming to the logic of it all. "Yours came from a misguided attempt at self sacrifice and mine came from a place blinded by hurt, and a lack of understanding of human motivations. Mistakes such as these should not bear irreparable damage to a friendship as strong as I feel ours to be. Not if we are willing to continue to put each other above ourselves."

"It is you who taught me this Captain. That is how I know it is true."

"I - " The console beeped, slightly urgently, interrupting whatever Janeway was about to say. She glanced at it briefly, then turned back to Seven.

She spoke quickly, but her speed did not diminish her gravity. "Listen, you and I are going to be fine. We are going to go in, draw their attention and keep it, and somehow not die while doing it. And then, when we get back, we will repair what we broke, and build stronger on top of it, and never make such foolish mistakes again."

"But, just in case," and here Janeway's grip tightened on her hand desperately, and Seven felt a vice constrict around her heart similarly. "I need you to know that right now is the happiest I have been in almost two years. And it's enough. If somehow I don't have the chance to tell you any of this over and over again as is my plan, the person you are, the person you've become with my help and despite it... it's enough for me to be content with every choice and every mistake I've ever made."

"And there is nothing in this Universe that can hold you back, with or with our my presence."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading all. Tons more free time than usual for obvious reasons, so I unexpectedly ended up back here. Sometimes I get ideas, and sometimes I even jot them down, and it's a bit more fun when I get to share them.


End file.
